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school status and possible solutions
May. 28th, 2023 09:18 pmOk, first post, new to the whole blogging business but wanna log progress good and bad and kinda scared how i'm putting myself on speaker here but i feel like it's gotta be done, hopefully someone will read and find some answers or maybe provide some answers lol, or to phrase it as purplecat does: "Snagging is free. Credit is appreciated. Comments are loved."
Alright, time to get into it, this is gonna be about my degree in progress and how i can't see myself getting it anytime soon.
A bit of background is that i study mechatronics engineering in a chinese university taught in chinese as an international student with chinese being my 5th language (lil flex but i'm only fluent in 3), i have been living here in china since 2019 so i had to experience covid the chinese way. the chinese way being denied access to class as a freshman and being forced into online school in spite of being on campus grounds (which i didn't resist much as i thought online school was easier and i could use the extra time for my varying interests...bad move i know...only after losing a scholarship )
Right now this is my third year from a 4 year program with the forth year around the corner and 60.5 credits needed out of 123, and a mediocre chinese level. I can't even grasp 30% of what the professor is saying once I'm in class, consequently i avoided going to class altogether for as long as i could which made school and studies into a vicious circle.
I have discussed the matter with my family letting them know about my mental health status in the middle of the first semester of my second year and insisted on going back home after this whole ordeal for 1 year of sabbatical which they were totally opposed to and counter-offered me to come back for the rest of the semester and go back to school for the second. what I haven't told them was how i already applied for the sabbatical once i got home. A step i would have to undo a week later.
I have basically wasted another semester coming back to china, with a pitiful chinese level and no classmates i could ask for help, that was me trying my family's plan (focus on important classes while bettering the chinese). With that failed and outta the way i thought up a new plan, Start on the graduation project and try and publish a decent paper i can have under my belt when applying for master's, all while focusing on chinese and research interests. I thought of the subject I'm interested in exploring and have already found a professor who's enthusiastic about it as well however, once in the lab office I'm super lost and scared shitless thinking about the possibility of being found out (my supervisor isn't aware of my failed courses), it gets especially scary when i think about the lab experiments i have to build from scratch on their dime with no experience and no guarantees of them being fruitful. I'm currently closed up in my room with my sleep cycle all messed up reading random stuff that might help in the research but with 0 guidance or guarantees.
I'm trying to hype myself up to just get busy and stuff will fall into place, but that proves un-doable so I would appreciate any feedback from anyone with close enough experience.
Next post: project layout
Alright, time to get into it, this is gonna be about my degree in progress and how i can't see myself getting it anytime soon.
A bit of background is that i study mechatronics engineering in a chinese university taught in chinese as an international student with chinese being my 5th language (lil flex but i'm only fluent in 3), i have been living here in china since 2019 so i had to experience covid the chinese way. the chinese way being denied access to class as a freshman and being forced into online school in spite of being on campus grounds (which i didn't resist much as i thought online school was easier and i could use the extra time for my varying interests...bad move i know...only after losing a scholarship )
Right now this is my third year from a 4 year program with the forth year around the corner and 60.5 credits needed out of 123, and a mediocre chinese level. I can't even grasp 30% of what the professor is saying once I'm in class, consequently i avoided going to class altogether for as long as i could which made school and studies into a vicious circle.
I have discussed the matter with my family letting them know about my mental health status in the middle of the first semester of my second year and insisted on going back home after this whole ordeal for 1 year of sabbatical which they were totally opposed to and counter-offered me to come back for the rest of the semester and go back to school for the second. what I haven't told them was how i already applied for the sabbatical once i got home. A step i would have to undo a week later.
I have basically wasted another semester coming back to china, with a pitiful chinese level and no classmates i could ask for help, that was me trying my family's plan (focus on important classes while bettering the chinese). With that failed and outta the way i thought up a new plan, Start on the graduation project and try and publish a decent paper i can have under my belt when applying for master's, all while focusing on chinese and research interests. I thought of the subject I'm interested in exploring and have already found a professor who's enthusiastic about it as well however, once in the lab office I'm super lost and scared shitless thinking about the possibility of being found out (my supervisor isn't aware of my failed courses), it gets especially scary when i think about the lab experiments i have to build from scratch on their dime with no experience and no guarantees of them being fruitful. I'm currently closed up in my room with my sleep cycle all messed up reading random stuff that might help in the research but with 0 guidance or guarantees.
I'm trying to hype myself up to just get busy and stuff will fall into place, but that proves un-doable so I would appreciate any feedback from anyone with close enough experience.
Next post: project layout
